The Complex Relationship Between Humans & Psychoactives.

blowwwme @ 2008-01-25T17:29:00

2008-01-25T19:44:57Z

I plan on starting an awesome rating community.
Anyone want to help?
It is going to be based strictly on personality.
Im tired of all this scene kid bullshit.
loservillle
I just just started this community so.
Any idea's at all are appreciated.
Im also planning on finding another person to co-mod it with me...

Sink Flordia Sink

2008-01-22T00:57:50Z

Today I ate a footlong subway vegetarian sandwich, thats all.
I want to lose weight,I just weighed myself, I almost weight 150 pounds.
I mean omg.
How'd I get like that?
I am 5'9 so I can see where some of the weight is going, but I cant realy seem to find the rest of it.
Maybe its all in my ass.
I mean I cant realy see my ass its behind me.
But I suppose it must be giagantic.
So I am offically on a Diet or Wtfever you want to call it.
I just am going to cut down alot, on what I eat.
Because.
& thats all.

blowwwme @ 2008-01-19T23:31:00

2008-01-20T01:46:47Z

Sometimes I realy HATE people.

sex.

2008-01-18T04:51:36Z

How will I die? Your Result: You will die while having sex. Your last moments in this life will be enjoyable indeed...hopefully. Do not fear sex. Try not to become celibate as a way of escaping death. You cannot run from destiny.
You will die in a nuclear holocaust.
You will die of boredom.
You will die while saving someone's life.
You will be murdered.
You will die in a car accident.
You will die from a terminal illness.
You will die in your sleep.
How will I die? Create a Quiz

So I took this quiz cause I wanted to know how I would die....wtf....This is seriously funny:)
So heres the link if you would like to see how you will die!

What type of person do you attract? Your Result: You attract artsy people! Those free spirited artists with great imaginations find you interesting. They are usually interesting themselves, so its not a bad thing, but they CAN be a bit wifty and choose odd goals. If you like life to always be a bit 'different' from the norm, but not too extreme in any one direction, these are the people for you. If you seek logical decision making skills and good money management, you may want to change something in the way you appear. Artsy people are fun for adventure and exploring, so, have fun! (smoking weed helps too)
You attract unstable people!
You attract models!
You attract Yuppies!
You attract geeks!
You attract rednecks!
What type of person do you attract? Quizzes for MySpace

And this one is right on the dot, ADD, first one I was ever diagnosed with, when i was 7,lol.

What mental disorder do you have? Your Result: ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) You have a very hard time focusing, and you find it difficult to stay on task without your mind wandering. You probably zone in and out of conversations and tend to miss out on directions because you cannot focus
Manic Depressive
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
Paranoia
GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
What mental disorder do you have?

Haha I better be 90% at least born and raised DETROIT...GOD IM BORED..

DETROIT WHAT !!!90%

DETROIT 4 LIFE**

HOW DETROIT ARE YOU
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Shutes&Ladders.

2008-01-17T06:24:14Z

I skipped school today.
I smoked instead.
And then fought w/ justin.
And then played some Halo 3.
Then did some homework.
And wrote this cute little love story.

There once was a girl who loved a boy.
She thought that her love for him would overcome anything.
When it was cold she would hold him and he would be happy.
When he was hungry she would feed him and he would be happy.
One day he looked very sad, and she asked him what was wrong.
He told her, "My mothers very sick and I don't have any money for a doctor."
There was nothing she could do, she had no money, and she had no doctors, so she gave the boy the only thing she could, hope. She said,"I know one day you will meet your mother again, you two will be together long after you both die, don't worry anymore.
She gave him hope, and he was happy.
The boy came back, even more sad, and the girl said, "Whats wrong sweety pie?"
He said," My mother died and now I have no money to pay rent."
The girl said, as sweetly as possible, "Come live in my heart and pay no rent."
The boy said,"I would love to live in your heart but I cant I need a house."
The girl had no house, and no money, so again she gave him the only thing she could, hope.
She said, "you may not have a house but you have so much left to do in life, be happy for what you have, and I know one day you will have a fantastic home."
But the boy did not have a home, and he was sad.

blowwwme @ 2008-01-15T04:49:00

2008-01-16T07:04:23Z

THREE NEW PEEKTURES:)
UM YEAH!
THAZ ALL.

.

2008-01-15T05:20:57Z

Hey.

I took this quiz.
It's for what you wan't most in life.
It realy hit on the dot for me.
See if it does the same for you!
So Click Here &&& take the quizz and see what it says!!!
Maybe you can even tell me what it said.
Oh yeah, I told me I wanted Happiness.
Thats True, Completely.

PART 2

2008-01-15T04:54:24Z

SOME MORE OF MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY
ADVANCED CRITICISM WELCOME, ALSO BE WARNED, THIS HAS NOT BEEN SPELL OR GRAMMAR CHECKED SO DONT BITCH.

I couldn’t tell you why my life took the course of events that it did. I used to think I had the most fucked up life ever, when I was younger. My parents were rather messed up themselves. I’d rather not rant on about the bulk of the shit they did to me, because for the most part they have changed, both of them. When I say parents, or refer to my parents, I mean my mother and step-father David. I call him my dad because he was the only father figure I had in my childhood. I’ve met my real father of course, two weeks ago I wen’t to see him and my family for the first time for christmas. Hes a real nice guy, but he didn’t raise me, he has had no real influence on my life until recently, and therefore to deem him my parent is quite un-necessary.
One day, when I was about nine, my mom told me we were going to Chucky Cheese’s. Well, to be honest my memory is pretty hazy, so I’m not sure if it was Chucky Cheese’s, or Ceaser Land, or what. So we get in the car, and anyways we have been driving for hours and I was just wondering where the hell we were going because I knew it didn’t take that long to go to Chucky Cheese’s. Next thing you know, were in front of Havenwick, this asylum in somewhere in Michigan. Now I didn’t know what the hell Havenwick was just that it wasn’t Chucky Cheese’s. So we go inside and my mom admits me under the grounds that I keep hitting her, ans she was handicapt in all, so they believed her. Now let me tell you, I never fucking laid a hand on that woman, I was always afraid that she was going to kill me. She was a fucking melodramatic, manic depressive bitch and I realy thought that if I pissed her off enough she would kill me. So I get my blood drawn, which scared the living shit out of me, and got shipped to my room. I shared my room with this girl, I don’t recall what was so wrong with her but I do know that she had lice, and I didn’t want to get lice. So I freaked out, tried to kick her out of the room, tried to leave the room, tried anything I could because I spent a good month with lice earlier that year and I never wanted to get them again.
So there was this other kid, he was fucking psycho, had been in there for like three months, which is a hell of a long time to keep a young kid in a psych. ward. Most kids stayed there for a week, maybe two if they were real messed up, but he had been there forever, practicaly. So I guess his dad died, and he was convinced his dad live in this flannel shirt that he wore every day. So he would chance me around all fucking day telling me that spirits were going to kill me and shit, fuck I thought he was going to kill me the way he chased me. No one ever did anything I’d be screaming help me but they would just let him chase me. I hated that place, it had some good food although.
Now I was reading this book by Mitch Album “The Five People You Meet In Heaven,” its a very good book. The whole concept is that throughout your life you meet five people who impact you as a person the most, whether you know it or not. So I was thinking about it, about who those five people were to me, anyways I know who one of them is. My Grandma Bonnie, one of the sweetest people i’ve ever met, I mean she was just awesome, total sweetheart, with the soul of an artist. So my grandma was one of the only people who just loved me, and expected nothing in return, she treated me real good. My mom used to always buy me these bummy, boyish clothes. Considering the fact that my hair was already cut off and everyone in my school thought I was a guy, those clothes just made my whole situation worse. So my grandma would take me to all these fancy stores and buy me the girliest clothes you’ve ever seen. I mean baby pink and lavender with glitter and fake diamonds all over, it made me feel amazing, to look like a girl. She would buy me dresses for every holiday, realy fancy ones, I suspect they cost a ton, it doesn’t matter either way. She was dating this lady Colleen, I thought of her as my Aunt, I never new they wer ‘together’ or anything, I was to young ya know, I didn’t know what gay was. So she was dating this lady, she was an allright lady in all, but I didn’t prefer her much. So my grandma found out she had lung cancer, and she and Colleen broke up, I never realy saw her again. She became a born again christian, went to church every week, I usually went too, for the food afterwards. We would always go to some big resturant and I could get whatever I wanted, so of course I loved church. I lived with her for a while when I was like 10 or 11, and I was just very sour to her. I don’t know why, I don’t know what my problem was, I was so used to people treating me like shit that I couldn’t understand why she didn’t, I regret the way I treated her everyday, she didn’t deserve it. She died when I was thirteen, I don’t remember the day, It was in July, right around my sisters birthday, I was an amazingly beautiful day though, considering the fucked up shit that happened. I didn’t know that she was dying until she died, so I never realy got to say goodbye. she was in the hospital for quite a while before hand, and I would just sit at the foot of her bed, on the floor so she couldn’t see me, crying my eyes out. She was the last person in my life that I wanted to lose.
She had this dog Murphy. He was a golden retriever, and I loved that fucking dog to death. I played with him everyday since I was like three. That was my puppie, he was always so happy, and he new when shit was wrong too, he’d just come sit right next to you and give you kisses until you felt better, shit it worked. When we moved we had to give him away to some farm, It was after she died, if she was alive she wouldn’t let them touch that fucking dog, but she was dead, so they took my puppie away. I never loved an animal like I loved that dog, he was my best friend for so long, goddamn do I miss him. I hope he’s sitting right next to her when I meet her in heaven.
When I was little I used to always write letters to Oprah, I must thought she was fucking Santa Clause or something because I wrote that lady alot of letters. Most of my letters probably never got sent, I was a real dumbass and I always wrote the adresses in the wrong place, i’d put the return in the center and the place it was going in the corner, stupid shit really. But I would watch her show at day-care, and I’d think that maybe she could fix my life, you know, she can fix all those kids with cancer and people who got there face blow off and I figured she could fix mine too. So I would write here these pathetic letters telling her about how everyone at my school hated me, or how my parents were so fucked up, or how I wanted a new house because my had ants and I hated ants. They were so stupid and immature, but my innocent mind really thought that Oprah could fix everything so I’d just keep on sending them.

blowwwme @ 2008-01-11T15:45:00

2008-01-11T20:39:36Z

Psychoanalize Myself
Oh Yeah You Know It...
This Is why I am the Way I am.
I plan on turning this rambling and the rest that will follow into an autobiography, feed back is welcomed.

I have never felt like I had a home, the closest was when I lived with my grandma Bonnie. I was so young then and I treated her like shit, I regret it everyday, she was the best thing that happened to me.
I currently feel second best, upon no-ones fault but my own, but when I see her picture, I know she was prettier, skinner, and had a better complection. I know she didn't have to wear piles of make-up everyday to feel beautiful. I know. My self esteem has taken the best of me on this one.
My whole life I have been condemned for the way I look. Teachers, Friends, Foes, Bosses, Co-Workers, everyone I have met, including my parents. It hurts me because I know that I am just to different and there is nothing I can do to change their pathetic opinions. When I was younger I cut off all my hair, I looked like a boy, and when your living in a place like taylor, where everyone has pretty long hair and listens to everything their red-neck parents tell them, you become the laugh that everyone has when their sitting down to dinner, ((another thing i missed out on in my childhood)).
I was the laugh of the town and my soul purpose to them was to be a loser, a scape-goat, a piece of shit, not a human.
I had no friends throughout my childhood. My social skills and appreciation of the human race were severely lessened because of this.I remember one instance, where I was hanging out with my friend emily outside her house. when one of her other friends walked by, she pushed me into her back yard because 'It was that important to not be seen with me.'
So you see, when living in the state of lonelyness that I did things about you change rapidly. You start to despise the world, listening to depressing bands that seem to speak to your impresionable childish mind. Nirvana has always been my favorite, I've been listening to them sience I was born, no exaggeration whatsoever, My mom would put head phones blairing Smells Like Teen Spirit up to her stomach when she was pregnant with me. I remember the day I heard The Dope Show by: Marylin Manson, I never thought a song could speak to me as much as that one did. Giving me an excuiste wonder for the world of drugs that has followed me into this present day. I remember I was sitting at my neighbors house, they were very good people,very christian, went to church with my Grandma Bonnie and all. Anyways I was sitting at their house with their son, Eric was his name, I think...so I was sitting there watching what must have been MTV when the music video came on. All of a sudden I knew, or at least I thought I new, what the answer to all of my problems was...Drugs. Whats pathetic was I must have been like 8 years old then.
I remember my irrational fear of worms, except to be honest it was completely rational. When I was around 3 years old I was at daycare and this girl who was around 8 or 9 used to make me eat worms. I only did it twice, but anytime I did anything wrong she would say "Im going to tell on you unless you eat this worm," very threatining in my little eyes I presume, because I did it, you know. Well anyways this event created a fear that I would care with me into my early teens. So when I lived in taylor and it rained, the worms would be all over the sidewalks and I'd be practically skipping to the bus stop. And so for whatever reason this little fucker Josh Hicks figured out that I was doing this because I didn't want to step on the worms because they scared the living shit out of me. So he threw a few at me and then the whole bus stop joined in. I ran so fast that I left my bookbag there, and of course, those fuckers put worms in my backpack too. It was discusting, I remember when I finally got to school, crying to my principal, telling her I didn't know why they all didn't like me so much. A better word would have been hate, but I was to young to know that they hated me, I thought that I was just the type of person who couldn't have friends.
So as I was saying, the concept of drugs was introduced to me through a very odd way. I mean god don't try to blaim Marylin Manson or MTV, it was an escape I was searching for. I just saw this great idea that Drugs would give me that escape. The way I understood that music video, drugs were an escape. Allthough upon my years I have realized that that is not the basis of the song at all.
I remember too, when I was 10 or 11, first reading prozac nation. It was on my dads shelf for the longest time, I though it sounded stupid, thats a good word, but for whatever reason I started reading it. When I read it I saw nothing but myself, in every word, their was this lonely girl who just wanted to know why. So I read the whole fucking book, and I read it again, I'd say i've read it about 8 times now. That book did alot for me, I started reading because of that book. That book also made me think that maybe it was just me that was fucked up, not the world, well anyways I was wrong.

Its Human Nature to Destroy Ourselves

2008-01-08T19:33:45Z

Its your own decision to destroy your self, you know what to do to have a sucessful forfilling life but most humans do not have the energy or patience to endure the struggle that aquiring that life presents. They give up and live in a state of white trash euphoria until their mid-life crisis where they realize all of the potential that they had, and wasted. Its pathetic, but not everyone is the same, just like snowflakes, we are all a little diffrent. Some people are truely magnificent in their endurance, going through hell just to get to where they know they will someday be. It depends truely, on how much you are willing to suffer before you give in. The happier you are in the end, presumably the more you suffered to get there, with the exception of rich croneys like George Bush who just pick their dreams off the family tree & make the struggle for us all the more unfair.

to myself://

2008-01-05T22:50:15Z

Fuck you.
You are pathetic.
Your life sucks.
Everyday is the same.
Sometimes you just feel numb.
Sometimes you just want to die.
You hate this life,
& if there is a GOD,
you hate him too.
You have never felt like you had a home.
Because this world is not you home.
Why are you suffering?
Why do you hurt?
You will never be happy.
Never be content.
You are pathetic.
Fuck you.

Art.

2008-01-01T18:13:14Z

*THE COMPLEX THEORY OF TIME & RELATIVITY*
://Quantum Physics For Your Mind.

Contemplate what makes you you, as in, who are you?
Your built of atoms & molecules & little things that you'll probably never see.
So thats who you are, a bunch of atoms floating around in a cosmic abyss of time & space thats never ending.
Beautiful, you are everlasting, you are a thousand pieces of personality waiting to touch anything.
But theres so much more.
Your pieces are you, & therefore everywhere you go, everything you touch, you just leave a little piece of you.
You are not running out of time, time is just a word, we have millions of those.
Your running out of pieces, of memories, of thoughts.
As the days go by, you collect more memories, & you start to lose the will to make new ones.
Memories are the past, the happened, & therefore the collection of them is slightly depressing.
The collection of the un-alterable, the un-touchable, you know the feeling of not being able to do anything, just like that.
It drags you down, and dwelling on these particles of thought, of time if you must, thats what kills you.
Don't stop making memories.
You'll never die.

touched by your lies.

2008-01-01T16:44:03Z

i knew it all along sweetheart...
but that is why..
no one will have my heart anymore....
not even you, of all people, the one who took it for so long...
you think your getting somewhere w/ me, but...
my love is as dead as a winters night...
&& i just want to fade away....
you mean nothing more, than a friend that i kiss...
that i used to love...
but throuh the lies that our relationship was built on...
i have come to see what you and me could never be...
and therefore...
as hurt as i am....
i am so much better off this way:)
& by this way i mean...
S-I-N-G-L-E
<3<3<3<3<3

My Soul. cont.

2007-10-30T20:00:53Z

Two eyes meet as
Kaiotic relationships
Drift on
In the wildermess
Of lies
An anticipation for
"Something more"
Tears at them
Arms wide open
You've been waiting
Your whole life
For this
Your world has never seemed
So unfamiliar
Life has begun
Are you ready?

my soul.

2007-10-30T03:41:34Z

i love myself because:
1)I know I can overcome anything, if the fucking holocaust hit me, id be ready.
2)I know that everything I say and everything I do comes strait from my heart, im not full of bullshit, and I love it.
3)I know that I have a future, I can see it now, and it hasn't even happened yet.

-I am very out-there, weird, odd, whatever you want to call it.....but I am me, to my fullest extent, thats all I am, I don't try to be anything else, and that Is why, I truely love myself:)-

need something to read:
-The Alchemist ((my favorite book))
-I dare you!((my 2nd))
3)The Republic((I was forced to read it in poly sci. and I loved it more than cherry pie:))

-live well, live free, dont judge, and definatly dont regret.
-rachiie

bitch.

2007-10-27T21:31:05Z

SPAM ME.